If you only read one book as a parent, read this!
I was lucky enough to read this when pregnant. I had often felt uncomfortable with some of the things I saw on Super Nanny, or saw other parents doing around me but my feelings weren't very clear on it. This book helped me articulate why those things didn't sit right with me. It took me through some very difficult ideas and challenged most of my assumptions of what effective parenting was about. It was not an easy read but it really opened my eyes. Alfie doesn't offer specific guidance. This is more of a food for thought book, than parenting manual. You don't need to agree with everything he says to benefit from it. Since taking a lot of his ideas to heart, I feel I am a much more conscious parent than I would otherwise have been and I am very grateful for that (so I think are my children). People often say how peaceful our house is, how gentle and sweet our children are. I am quick to say it isn't my brilliant parenting, or random luck, that it's a conscious process and I have recommended reading. Most people prefer to think it's down to chance, so few actually go out and read this book after I say that, which I think is a pity.
Perhaps this isn't telling you enough... So my husband's big take out was modify your requests - like, does it really matter if they take their trousers off downstairs and their top off upstairs when getting ready for bed? Does bath have to be at 7pm exactly, or is 7.10, when the game has ended naturally actually the better time? Controlling every detail isn't a good idea for a variety of reasons. Think about what the end goal is, the kind of person you want them to be, then ask if your parenting style is actually achieving that. Look at what you're saying and what it reveals you think about human nature - that kids are basically bad, out to take anything they can get. Perhaps you can change that thought and see them as basically good, or at least basically reflecting what you are giving them. That might change your relationship...
One thing I am very confident of in our own family - if you read this when your children are young and can take some of it on board, you will not have a difficult time with them as teenagers. There will be too much love, trust, honesty and good communication already in place for adolescence to become a full-blown crisis. I'm not saying your children won't want to separate from you but I think this will help it be a separation into maturity, not a violent rejection.